Do You Want To Make God Laugh?  Tell Him Your Plans.

 

According to Genesis 1:1, “In the big” inning, God hit a homerun.

 

According to Genesis 2:21-23, God Created Adam before Eve.  Why?  Because God did not want any advice (sorry Ladies) as to how to do it.

 

Also, we can know that Adam was created in the late afternoon, but it happened just before Eve[ning].

 

Also, We can know that Adam was not a Black man.  How can we know that?  Have you ever tried to take a rib from a Black man (at an out-door barbecue)?

 

According to Genesis 4:8, we can know how long Cain hated his brother; as long as he was Abel.

 

According to Genesis 6:14, God told Noah to make an ark out of wood; so Noah promptly told his sons to “Go-For-Wood.”

 

If you need to build a boat, I No-ah guy, who is an ark-itect.

 

According to Genesis 14:15, the Biblical city that was against the Covid mask mandate was “Damascus.”

 

According to Genesis 40:15 we have recorded the first man to brew coffee in the world, “He-brews.”

 

According to Exodus 20:3-18, technically Moses was the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet.

 

According to Exodus 32:19, One man (Moses) broke all Ten Commandments in a split second.

 

According to Joshua 10:12, the Sun grew feet and stood “still upon Gibeon;” and the moon also grew feet and stood still “in the valley of Ajalon.”

 

According to First Samuel 5:7, we can answer the question of whatever happened to the Philistines god. He Dagon.

 

According to First Samuel 14:32:  the first airplane was flown, for they “flew upon the spoil.”

 

According to Job 1:14-15, “And there came a messenger unto Job, and said, The oxen were plowing. . . [15] And the Sabeans” came and took them.  And Job said to himself, “O my, there goes another Stock-Market Crash.

 

According to Job 2:11; 8:1; 18:1; 25:1; 42:9, we know who the shortest man in the Bible was -- Bildad the shoe-height.  Even though most people would say Nehemiah, or better, “knee high my ah.”

 

According to Job 3:1-3, Job was the first man to cuss in the Bible, because he “cursed” the “day” he “was born.”

 

According to Proverbs 28:1, “The wicked flee,” a small insect, is so scared it runs away at any suggestion of trouble.

 

According to Proverbs 31:6, if you are “ready to perish or have a heavy heart, God tells you to have a drinking party to cheer you up you die.

 

According to Matthew 8:31-32,  “So the devils besought Him, saying, If Thou cast us out, suffer us to go away into the herd of swine. [32] And He said unto them, Go.  And when they were come out, they went into the herd of swine:  and, behold, the whole herd of swine ran violently down a steep place into the sea, and perished in the waters.”  I’d like to point out that this is the first known case of “Deviled Swine.”

 

According to Matthew 21:12, the best DJ in the Bible was Jesus, because He turned “tables.”

 

According to Mark 2:4, the friends of “the sick of the palsy” faith was through “the roof.”

 

According to Mark 16:19, we can know that God the Father is left-handed, because Jesus is sitting on His “right hand.”

 

According to Acts 3:6, Peter is the poorest man in the Bible (“Silver and gold have I none”).

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According to Acts 7:58, Stephen got rocked to sleep.

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According to Acts 15:25, there were Honda cars for Paul, Barnabas, and Silas to get around in (“one accord”).

 

According to Acts 19:7, if you want to play with your Bible believing friends, ask them, “How old are the men in this verse?”  If they are “silly” enough to answer, “12 years old,” you have successfully pulled off a Bible funny.  For the text is not about age, but quantity.

 

According to Acts 19:12, Paul brought forth from his body “sick handkerchiefs” and or, “sick aprons,” “and the diseases departed from” the “sick handkerchiefs” and “sick aprons,” and also any “evil spirits went out of them.”

 

According to Revelation 8:1, “there was silence in Heaven about the space of half an hour.”  I do not believe this, because that would be saying there are no women in Heaven.

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